Life just feels bizarre and unreal right now. I haven’t written much, or went into detail, because I feel like it isn’t my story. But, here it is anyway. The great, ultimate, supreme love of my life is going through the toughest time of her life as I type. Her mom has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It’s aggressive, it’s stage three, and she has some complications like the fact that she is a kidney transplant patient. I have known this woman for six years, and lived with her for five. For five years, I have seen her every single day… more or less. And now, there’s this. And everything is uncertain. I can’t bare the thought of not having her in my life, and I can’t fathom my sweet girl losing her mother. And I hate this… uncertainty. Everything feels so heavy. I feel like since they found the tumors on her ovaries, even before we found out that it is cancer, I haven’t been able to breathe. Life feels a way that I can’t begin to describe. I have never felt the way that I do right now. I’m so terrified and angry and protective and fragile and tired and starving and sick and just… every emotion in existence with the exception of happy. I’m hoping for the best. I’m even trying to pray for the best and I’ve been agnostic for half a decade. And I feel selfish for feeling sad, because my sweetheart, my soul, she is so heartbroken. I can’t begin to imagine her thoughts and her feelings. Mine are so insignificant compared to hers. All I can do is be there, and try to will myself to stay strong, on the outside at least, and take care of her. I feel like there’s a tornado inside me, and it’s tearing up my insides, but if I let it out it will do even more damage. How do I stay strong? How do I stay level-headed? How do I protect and comfort those I love? I just don’t even know how to live anymore. How will life be the same? Help me. Help us. Somebody, please. 

Anonymous asked:

11 22 30 50
  • 11. had sex in public? Semi-public, I guess? I’ve had sex in cars a lot, but not like— in a movie theater or grocery store or anything like that. 
  • 22. been outside my home country? No, I haven’t. 
  • 30. won a trophy? No, I’m not all that competitive. 
  • 50. been suspended from school? Once, in 8th grade for fighting. It was this girl Tiffany, and she had been slut shaming my best friend. When I stuck up for my bff, Tiffany decided to pick a physical fight with me, for whatever reason. 

Thanks anon. You’re a lifesaver <3

lucernes

"HAVE YOU EVER" hour.

  • 1. had sex?
  • 2. bought condoms?
  • 3. gotten pregnant?
  • 4. failed a class?
  • 5. kissed a boy?
  • 6. kissed a girl?
  • 7. had a job?
  • 8. left the house without my wallet?
  • 9. bullied someone on the internet?
  • 10. sexted?
  • 11. had sex in public?
  • 12. smoked weed?
  • 13. smoked cigarettes?
  • 14. smoked a cigar?
  • 15. drank alcohol?
  • 16. been to a wedding?
  • 17. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
  • 18. watched tv for 5 hours straight?
  • 19. been late for school?
  • 20. kissed in the rain?
  • 21. showered with someone else?
  • 22. been outside my home country?
  • 23. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
  • 24. had lice?
  • 25. gotten my heart broken?
  • 26. had a credit card?
  • 27. been to a professional sports game?
  • 28. broken a bone?
  • 29. been unhappy about my weight?
  • 30. won a trophy?
  • 31. cut myself?
  • 32. been on a diet?
  • 33. rode in a taxi?
  • 34. stayed up for 24 hours or more?
  • 35. been to a concert?
  • 36. had a crush on someone of the same sex?
  • 37. had braces?
  • 38. wore make up?
  • 39. lost my virginity before I was 16?
  • 40. kissed someone a different race than myself?
  • 41. Snuck out of the house?
  • 42. had oral sex?
  • 43. dyed my hair?
  • 44. met someone famous?
  • 45. been on vacation?
  • 46. been on a boat?
  • 47. been on an airplane?
  • 48. prank called someone?
  • 49. taken a pregnancy test?
  • 50. been suspended from school?